Time Machine

Here came the phase of my life.
The time that seemed darker,
Than the evening of the winter solstice.
The moment when I realized,
I was about to lose the most precious gift of my life.
No tears fell,
I was numb. 
Things were happening.
Nothing in my control.

I couldn't say if I was dead or alive.
My senses were working,
But, I had no sign of life.

"What went wrong?" thought my mind.
"Is it me again?
For the one-millionth time!"
"Should I wait for her to take the next step?
Or, should I be the first one to apologize?"

The past dawned upon me that night.
He showed me the times when I had cried.
He exhibited the showers of insecurities.
That she, with time, had blessed upon me.
Cause, Yes!, I was the one who had been more involved.
In a relationship, that was sure to fail and tear apart.

Never did I realized,
That it was my obstinance to get her in my life.
And when I forced against her will,
I lost my key that she could steal.
Cause, the power of a relationship lies in the hands of the one,
who cares less and can live alone.

The past showed me the times I regret.
Filled with an obsession that I yearn to forget.
I cried. I groveled.
I accepted all my mistakes,
I was ready to change,
But was this really a single-sided game?

Who gave her the rights to break my heart?
Every single time she was with me, 
I could never feel her heart.
Was I not good enough for her? 
Was I not pure enough for her?

For all the sacrifices that I had ever made,
I definitely deserved more than what she gave.

I lost everything for her.
Yes! I was completed devoted to her.
Her happiness was my priority. 
No matter what it ever cost me!
And, when one tries to prove his ductility,
He ends up losing his own dignity.

Now, I had a choice. 
Should I wait for her to take the next step?
Or, should I be the first one to apologize? 
I was expected to be more understanding.
Because I was the only one,
who wants the relationship to be going.

With a heavy heart,
With all the painful memories,
that I had in the past.
I decided to end it.
I murdered the plant whose seed,
I had sowed and cared and watered to grow it.

Cause I am not at a fault,
If she didn't like my patience.
I am not at a fault,
If she could never appreciate my presence.
I am not at a fault,
If she thought that our relationship was a failure.
I am not at a fault,
If she could never take a step forward.
Cause I am not at a fault,
If my unconditional love was unable to convince her.

I did my part. I played my best.
The winter had started, winds blew west.
The choices for her were quite clear now.
She chooses to stay away or be completely involved.
Cause there was no such thing as friendship,
That could have been in our grip.

I think she made her choice.
And my broken heart knows,
that it was not in favor of mine.
She had found someone else.
Someone who is more compatible with her.
Someone who suites her more.
Someone who understands the parts of her,
that I always failed to explore.

She had erased me from her soul n' mind.
"She is never coming back", says all well-wishers of mine.
I lie shattered with this song of mine.
All my prayers now stand declined.

The winter ahead is going to be long.
I will take a very long time to move on.
I have to destroy every inch of hope within me,
That, I had kept alive for several years.

The story of mine had made me mature.
Now, I don't fear to lose anymore.
Cause I had lost my most precious procession.
And I am left with emptiness and desolation.

Hope is a misery that can make one long.
It can never change the truth,
That you are never going to grow strong.
Oh! I wish I had a Time Machine.
I would have warned my past of the end that I had seen.

She is happy. She is loving. She is flying. She is staging.
And I am sitting here doing nothing but aging.
"Something better awaits",
Says everyone around me.
Only I know the truth,
Love is no more blindfolding me.

Now, I had learned to stay alone.
I had learned to expect less,
 And give even more.
I  had learned from the mistake that I did.
And, I had committed to never repeat it.
I had sworn to not do the same,
I can never let anyone pass through this pain.

And for her,
I wish all the happiness.
Her success, her rejoice is always in my prayers.
Cause, I had never learned to unlove someone.
Love, indeed, is the most beautiful feeling in this world.


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