Son to Father

Not everyone is compatible with every other. When you try to overstay with someone who is incompatible, things complicate. This is true for any relation that you have. Whether he/she is your mother, sister, uncle, brother, boy/girlfriend or simply a friend. Compatibility is always questionable. Let me introduce you to one of the most complicated relationship that I ever had - the relationship with my Father.

If you are born to a typical Indian middle-class family, then find yourself lucky as everything is defined since your birth. Your growth, your career, your marriage, your emotions and your time - everything is already defined by your parents. You are just expected to walk on the path shown to you. You may fall. But you must not fail. Your father is your torch-bearer. Whatever he says is bound to be true. Whatever he expects is bound to enlighten your future. Whatever he leaves you with is bound to make you happy ever after. How can life be complex in this situation?  Everything is destined. All you have to do is to walk and succeed. Success is all that matters no matter the cost. You have the blood of your father. For him, understanding you is equivalent to understanding himself. He has seen far more of life than you would ever do. He knows the pits that you may fall into. He is prepared for every consequence. You must respect him no matter what. You must be disciplined and idealistic.

Have you ever thought that your father might be wrong? Have you ever thought that though he is your well-wisher, but he might not know what your dreams are? Have you ever thought that a blood relation with someone doesn't make you them. You are different. You are a unique identity. No one has the right to control your thoughts, your emotions, your needs and your dreams. You are not bound by the obligations of someone else. You are free to explore. If you ever thought so, you are among those kids who are "disobedient" and "rebellion". You have ended up spoiling your relationship with your father. He ended up doubting you like you ended up doubting him. You fought for yourself without realizing that you are only losing yourself. Your father fought for you without realizing that his enemy was his own pride. He won, after all, he had all the monetary power. He was successful in forcing his will on you. You accepted your defeat but you saved the grudge somewhere within you. With time, the situations changed. You are mature now. You understand why the situation was meant to be the way it was. Depending upon your situation, you might either start respecting him or cursing him.

Either way, you still wonder why he forced you against your will. You barely talk to each other. He has grown old. You know that just in a few years you would no longer see any of him. But you don't have the time to even think about what went wrong or where the distance began. He still cares for you. For him, it is still your success that matters. But why? Why had he put all his bets on you? Why can't he care for his own life? Why doesn't he let you live as per your will?

Welcome to the world complications - the relationship between a father and a son. You would never understand my situation if all you ever did was simply respecting your father. Just try and take my path. You would understand the bitter-sweetness of this relationship. Believe me, no one is perfect. Not even your father. You are bound to learn from each other. Each one of you needs to push oneself towards each other. You are the same blood. You are the same poles of a magnet. You are bound to repel.

I was highly motivated to write this post when I saw a marvelous short film by Ru Kuwahata & Max Porter on the complications of a father and son relationship. There are only very few writers who can express this complication.  I am so glad that they came up with this one. 


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