In my childhood, I used to look at adults and determined to make sure that I won't do anything that I thought they were doing wrong. For instance, I decided that I won't care much for money and live an adventurous life. I decided that I would always stay close to my parents and call them everyday. I would have a lot of friends and would keep in touch with all of them. I would complete my post-graduate studies from a top college of America and earn a PH.D. in some sub-discipline of science. I would have an account of every breath that I have ever taken and every thing that I have ever learned. Bottom line, I decided that I would always have control over my life.

Now that I am 2 years past my time of entering my adulthood, I see that life has taken control over me. I have to keep account to each money that I am earning. I am not earning for myself. I am earning for my family, my mortgages, my bills, my future children, and my future securities. I am stuck in the never-ending cycle of promotions and incentives. I hardly talk to anyone in my family. My grandparents sometimes call me and I pay them a visit twice a year. But mostly, I live all alone in my rented apartment. Speaking of friends, I do have a lot of them. But none are the one who I need. They just exists - mostly on social media. They are available as long as I am available for them. I have little to no motivation left for self-learning. Days are passing. The seasons keep coming and I keep ageing. That is how life has turned out to be in my adulthood. It is completely different from all the expectations that I had in my childhood. I am not breathing anymore. I cannot hear my heart beat. I am just smoking away my life. Time is passing so fast that I don't have the time to do stuffs I love. Even after that, I am left with a lot time to waste, thinking about how lonely I have been.

The most important thing that I have lost is my peace of mind. In my childhood, however worse the days were, I always had a smile on my face because I knew that I will mend everything in the coming years. I was never afraid of taking risks. I was adventurous enough to go out of the track and experiment with my life in my way. But, now in my adulthood, I am worried, panicky and suffering from depression & anxiety problems. I lack the passion for taking risks. I lack the motivation for starting all over again, leaving behind the past. This is mostly because of the little success that I have achieved. It is so heart breaking to see that, it is your success that eventually raises societal expectations, bringing in more peer-pressure which leads to your doom. I am running a race that has no destination. The path I am walking on is paved by someone else. I cannot take a turn whenever I wish.

It might seem like a normal thing for an adult. But it is nothing less than a nightmare for the child inside me. It is something that I never expected to happen in my life. But eventually it did. I would like to raise a sincere apology to all the adults whom I blamed for living a terrible life despite all the success. I understand you all now. It is not that easy. Life is tricky. You can learn enough philosophies only to realize that the philosophies are endless and your knowledge is never acknowledged, not even by your loved ones.

Love! Peace! Thanks! Good bye!


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