Accepting Theism

 This might turn out to be an absolutely absurd write-up. But it has been a long time since I have not spilled the thoughts out of my brain and I sometimes feel like overflowing.

There was a time in my life when everything was going well in my life. I had a good job, my family was doing well, I had great relations with my friends, etc. In short, life was good. Life was so good that I suddenly found myself dwelling with nihilism. I was stuck with a scientific belief - entropy is eventually eroding the world away; the world will eventually come to an end; everything will be erased; then why bother to fight so hard in life? No really! What are humans trying to do anyway? Why are we progressing in logic and rationality so much? Why do we keep inventing stuff when we know that no amount of scientific progress is going to make life easy anyway? There are capitalists who believe that their work to transform natural resources into information is helping people elevate their knowledge and skills. What is knowledge anyway? What are we elevating skills for? To earn money? What is money anyway apart from being an account for the number of times you kicked yourself to do something? Sometimes it felt like we are all just trying to keep ourselves busy so that we don't think about all these questions anyway and eventually just die. Such thoughts made my life really difficult. I consulted with my friend Priyanshu who has been in a very similar phase. He advised me to keep myself busy to get rid of such thoughts. I did that and it worked. For 2 months!

A few months later I realized one more important thing - there is no one on this planet who knows the goals of humanity. This idea stemmed into my mind and I was again stuck in a loop (I guess I had a bad day at the office when this idea actually came to my mind).  Everyone is working for their own personal enhancements. Elon Musk wants to take a billion people to space. Why? Because he is interested in the fame that he will receive after he tweets the stories of success. Einstein discovered the relation between gravity and time. Why? Was it really because he desired to know the meaning of life or was it because he wanted to get his work published in Springer? What are science and development all about anyway? It is simply a way to create a hierarchy in society so that people keep themselves busy by working and proving themselves to others - researchers craving for more citations of their work, CEOs craving for more money and fame, business associates craving for a promotion, and so on.

Did the science really give us the meaning of life? Or at least made life easy to live? What has science really solved for us? Science gave us a light bulb so that we can see objects at night. Not being able to see objects at night - was that even a problem in the first place? No! How many theories are we going to have? Quantum mechanics, string theory, gravity, RNA world theory. Sometimes I feel like the theories of physics are a work of art where the art is purely driven by imagination instead of being based on facts. Science is only changing the way we experience life. The real-life problems remain the same - the race for survival, emptiness in solitude, breach of trust, health crisis, the fear of missing out, criticism from others, the pain of losing someone or something precious, etc. Science has no answers to these and it not even working in the direction of solving them. They are never meant to be solved anyway.

Yet another thing that I observed is that nothing is impossible. When a person defines goals for himself and starts working hard towards achieving them with utmost discipline and consistency, then eventually the person achieves the goals. The path may become extremely difficult and ambiguous at times. At times, giving up seems to be the only viable direction. In such situations, life pushes you to the edge so hard that you would have to lose everything that you ever thought was yours. But, life will never push you beyond the breaking point (thanks to Ananya for this observation). Eventually, you will see lights. Lights that will bring you back home, rewarding you for all the sacrifices that you made, handing you the desires that you worked for. In short, the night will be the darkest just before dawn. If you remain disciplined with a strong belief in yourself, things will start falling into place, automatically, and fix everything.

Lastly, I would like to mention the inevitable remedy of life - change - the only constant of the universe. How has no single ruler been able to overtake the entire world? How did different races survive thousands of years of evolution when only the most dominant one had the most chance of survival? How has life been able to always give a second chance to every individual to thrive for themselves? Embracing change and letting go is the only way to happiness. 

Life is beautiful. Why? Because life is so creative. Life has so many stories to tell, a unique one for every individual, yet, intertwined together in the craziest way possible. Life provides everyone with a unique experience that shapes their existence, their creativity, their thoughts, and their character. Every individual is so different from every other. People often ask me - will we ever run out of new music or movies? My answer to them is - NO, Never! All the art in the world is just a tiny reflection of life's creativity. Till there is life, there will be art.

I think only death has the answer to all the questions. 7 years ago, I was a firm believer in logic, rationality, and science. But after having experienced more of life, I have realized that there is definitely something watching over us, keeping an account of our actions. Something that I cannot explain. Something that cannot be rationally explained. Yes, I believe in faith. Yes, I believe in actions. Yes, I believe in ghosts. Yes, I believe in God!

PS: It's strange how many people believe that Christoper Nolan movies' are themed around science fiction when the central idea behind every Nolan movie has always been love.


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